The thoughts of an almost graduate

High School is over.

Another stage of my life, another page of my story, has been completed.

In the whirlwind of events, prom, senior field trips, ap exams, grad parties, it's hard to stop and really let this moment set in.

I've spent the last 4 years studying, making new friends, leaving some friends behind, arguing with my parents to let me stay out later, laughing, dancing, being weird, and generally enjoying life.

I like to tell myself, and believe that I have lived high school to it's fullest. I plan to live every second of my life to the fullest.

However, there are way too many times, in retrospect, when i said "I can't wait till" In all reality I could have waited. Now that everything is over, I think to myself, what was i waiting for?

In life, the phrase "I can't wait", the endless count down of important dates, are distracting from the real joy of life. If you spend your life waiting for the next big thing, you miss the opportunity to take in the little things, like the sunrise, or a beautiful breeze, or a family dinner, a smile, a loving hug.

Now that I'm headed off to college, it hits me that this is all I've ever known. And by "this" I mean these people, this life, my parents taking care of me, my siblings being there to cheer me up after a tough day at school. My church, my youth group. St. Alban soccer. All the clubs and activities I'm involved in. Everything is going to change. And as much as it is exciting, it's scary as hell.

The memories I have made, the relationships I've built, the good reputation i have made for myself (hopefully), will not be present in college with me. Sure facebook and my cell phone will keep me in contact with the people I love, but it's not the same. I won't see the same faces in the hallway everyday that I've seen for the last 4 years, i won't be able to quote inside jokes randomly, or say remember in middle school....

I think the biggest challenge for all of us in college will be to keep our friends from high school. keeping relationships takes hard work. But facebook isn't what should keep us together, a quick phone call, even a letter, is much more effective.

High School has been so much fun. I truly loved and enjoyed every second of it. I am sad to see it go, but immensely proud of myself for using the gifts and talents God has given me to excel in school. I am so blessed and so thankful for all the opportunities i have had.

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."

Driving.. and the little hardships that come along with it

As i have too soon discovered, driving is unpredictable and downright frightening.

Although I may be the best driver in the entire world, courteous, careful, watchful, and attentive,

there are some wackos out there in the world who really shouldn't be out on the streets at all.

Examples:

People who stop in the middle of intersections.

Ok really??? You just can't wait. You know the light is going to change and their will be people blocked up because you had to be all about you.

People who don't use their blinkers.

Oh my goodness. The car manufactures made blinkers for a reason. And guess what, they made it seemingly effortless to switch the thing on. If you feel you're too cool to use a blinker your stupid. it's one easy way to save yourself from an accident.

People who text while driving

this needs no explanation.

People who talk on the phone while driving.

Although not as big of a deal as texting, if you are caught up in a conversation you're having, you attention is divided and parts of your limited brain that should be concentrated on driving are too busy discussing something that could easily be put off for a few minutes.

People who don't know the 'every-other-car rule'.

The biggest perpetrator of this is students in the high school parking lot after school. It drives me nuts that apparently high schoolers aren't "mature" enough to be courteous to other drivers.

People who don't turn off their highs.

Again, car manufactures made this little switch easy as pie. So just switch them off. Now i understand it's easy to forget they're on. But after people flashing you with their own highs, don't you figure that it'd be best for everyone to turn yours off.

People who brake before green lights.

These drivers are those who are way too careful.

And last, but not least:

People who steal your parking spot and or People who literally wait for people to get in their cars, start their cars, and back up their cars, to snag the 'perfect spot'.

Sports

My boyfriend asks me yesterday what i though of the Matt Holliday situation. We were discussing sports, haha.. that's a joke, I was basically saying that I like watching sports (because in all honesty I don't follow anything). Anyway, the way he asked me i knew i should know who Matt Holliday was, or for that matter what sport he even played.

Yes you might view me as pathetic for not keeping up with my city's pride and joy, The Cardinals, but frankly baseball bores the crud out of me.

So, when my boyfriend asked my opinion on the $113,580,723 salary bestowed upon aforementioned Holliday, I was all in all un-opinionated.

But upon further reading, yes i do read my news (occasionally), I am a bit surprised, if not utterly outraged, at these outrageous pre-determined earnings.

First of all, why the heck do Athletes need to be paid that much money?

The minimum salary for a Pro Baseball player is $400,000 per season.

That's at least 2,000 every game. Whether they play or not. And that's only the MINIMUM!

That's an insane amount of money. An insane amount.

I just don't see the need to pay people that much money to do something they love.

It's not dangerous. It's not a vital occupation necessary for our Nation's growth. It is simply providing entertainment. And they get paid more than most doctors and lawyers combined.

Second of all, and the actual issue in this situation, is the fact that Puljos is/was paid less than what Holliday is being promised. His contract is up, and will the Cardinals have enough money to re-sign him?? Or will they just remain complacent with the fact that they now have Holliday, and deal with the loss of a great ball player.

Should the cardinals focus more on keeping a player who has been with them for his entire major league career? or should they risk putting all their money on their team newbie.

I have to admit i don't know enough about sports to answer those questions.

But it seems like a delicate decision has been made, and St. Louis Cardinal Fans will be anticipating the '11 season when Puljo's contract is finally up.

More Senior Stuff!!!

Soooo many events for senior year!

This weekend the first big one, Mother Daughter Bunko!!!!

My mom and I will be fiercely competing, and winning the game this Saturday morning and we will leave our competitors in the dust.

I am super excited!

I love bunko! the last time i played i won $25 dollars!!!

The thing i find funny is one of the girls signing up was like "Oh bunco!!!! Great, my mom is SOOOO good at that game"

.....

..

.

Obviously she doesn't understand the concept of sheer luck...

An elephant never........ what's that word??

Today in Psychology we started a chapter on Memory. Our teacher played a few games with us to test our short and long term memory ability. She had us recall the names of the 7 dwarfs and recall noun/adjective pairs from 20 sentences.

It was a really great class, and a fun lecture to learn.
What really scares me is my own memory.
I have baaaadddd problems with remembering things.
ask my parents how many times i have left something at home, forgotten to ask a teacher something, forgotten to call them when i've arrived at a place.
It's gotten to a point where i get mad at myself for forgetting things i know i should remember.
Even writing stuff on my hand doesn't guarantee that i will bring in a folder for orchestra, or 7 dollars for lunch on the shelf.

And wow do i HATE that i have a excuse.
One of the maaannnnyyy symptoms that comes with Fibromyalgia is memory loss. A battle i am not happy to fight.

In January of 2007 I got a severe concussion while playing indoor soccer. Ever since then I experienced back, shoulder and neck pain. I blamed it on the stress of finals as my freshman year of High School ended. But even after finals were over, and during our family trip to Disney, I still experienced muscle soreness. My mom took me to my doctor but she didn't think it was anything. I went to another doctor, and she diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I've been living with fibro for about 3 years now, I'm 17 and a senior in high school, and the chronic pain has not defeated me.

The memory loss is caused by chronic pain. Research shows that pain is connected to the brain's encoding of new information.
The lack of sleep that fibromyaglia effects the brains ability to remember things.

Long term memory isn't a problem,

• difficulty remembering details
• difficulty remembering new information
• difficulty finding the right words to express yourself

those are things i've got to worry about.


“Fibromyalgia causes a tremendous amount of suffering and there are really no good treatments for fibromyalgia right now,” says Dr. Mary Lynch, the director of research at the Pain Management Clinic at Dalhousie.


weird things i've noticed about living with Fibro:
when the weather changes, so does the pain.
not eating wheat helps with the stomach and head aches.
when I get a cold the pain increases.
for me, the pain is less in the morning

some facts
Roughly one-quarter of people with fibromyalgia are work-disabled
FDA approved the first drug for fibromyalgia in 2007 and more treatments are being developed!!

Symptoms

• Muscular aching, throbbing, shooting, stabbing, or intense burning.
• Extreme Fatigue Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information may seriously interfere with everyday mental tasks. referred to as "fibro fog"
• Trouble falling asleep and more importantly staying asleep,
• frequent abdominal pain
• chronic headaches
• jaw pain
• depression and anxiety

Ok.... sorry for the pity pot. I'm not looking for pity. I am just writing for awareness. I know many people out there suffer from this and I would love to support them.

An excerpt from Angels and Demons. One of my favorite books.

I think this is one of the best written speeches i've ever read, it is absolutely fantastic.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca:

To the Illuminati, and to those of science, let me say this. You have won the war.

The wheels have been in motion for a long time. Your victory has been inevitable. Never before has it been as obvious as it is at this moment. Science is the new god.

Medicine, electronic communications, space travel, genetic manipulation… these are the miracles about which we now tell our children. These are the miracles we herald as proof that science will bring us the answers. The ancient stories of immaculate conceptions, burning bushes, and parting seas are no longer relevant. God has become obsolete. Science has won the battle. We concede.

But science’s victory has cost every one of us. And it has cost us deeply.

Science may have alleviated the miseries of disease and drudgery and provided an array of gadgetry for our entertainment and convenience, but is has left us in a world with out wonder. Our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. The complexities of the universe have been shredded into mathematical equations. Even our self-worth as human beings has been destroyed. Science proclaims that Planet Earth and its inhabitants are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. A cosmic accident. Even the technology that promises to unite us, divides us. Each of us is now electronically connected to the globe, and yet we feel utterly alone. We are bombarded with violence, division, fracture, and betrayal. Skepticism has become a virtue. Cynicism and demand for proof has become enlightened thought. Is it any wonder that humans now feel more depressed and defeated than they have at any point in human history? Does science hold anything sacred? Science looks for answers by probing our unborn fetuses. Science even presumes to rearrange our own DNA. It shatters God’s world into smaller and smaller pieces in quest of meaning… and all it finds is more questions.

The ancient war between science and religion as over. You have won. But you have not won fairly. You have not won by providing answers. You have won by so radically reorienting our society that the truths we once saw as signposts now seem inapplicable. Religion cannot keep up. Scientific growth is exponential. It feeds on itself like a virus. Every new breakthrough opens doors for new breakthroughs. Mankind took thousands of years to progress from the wheel to the car. Yet only decades from the car into space. Now we measure scientific progress in weeks. We are spinning out of control. The rift between us grows deeper and deeper, and as religion is left behind, people find themselves in a spiritual void. We cry out for meaning. And believe me, we do cry out. WE see UFOs, engage in channeling, spirit contact, out-of-body experiences, mindquests — all these eccentric ideas have a scientific veneer, but they are unashamedly irrational. They are the desperate cry of the modern soul, lonely and tormented, crippled by its own enlightenment and its inability to accept meaning in anything removed from technology.

Science, you say, will save us. Science, I say, has destroyed us. Since the days of Galileo, the church has tried to slow the relentless march of science, sometimes with misguided means, but always with benevolent intention. Even so, the temptations are too great for man to resist. I warn you, look around yourselves. The promises of science have not been kept. Promises of efficiency and simplicity have bred nothing but pollution and chaos. We are a fractured and frantic species… moving down a path of destruction.

Who is this God science? Who is the God who offers his people power but no moral framework to tell you how to use that power? What kind of God gives a child fire but does not warn the child of its dangers? The language of science comes with no signposts about good and bad. Science textbooks tell us how to create a nuclear reaction, and yet they contain no chapter asking us if it is a good or a bad idea.

To science, I say this. The church is tired. We are exhausted from trying to be you sign posts. Our resources are drying up from our campaign to be the voice of balance as you plow blindly on in your quest for smaller chips and larger profits. We ask not why you will not govern yourselves, but how can you? Your world moves so fast that if you stop even for an instant to consider the implications of your actions, someone more efficient will whip past you in a blur. So you move on. You proliferate weapons of mass destruction, but it is the Pope who travels the world beseeching leaders to use restraint. You clone living creatures, but it is the church reminding us to consider the moral implications of our actions. You encourage people to interact on phones, video screens, and computers, but it is the church who opens its doors and reminds us to commune in person as we were meant to do. You even murder unborn babies in the name of research that will save lives. Again, it is the church who points the fallacy of that reasoning.

And all the while, you proclaim the church is ignorant. But who is more ignorant? The man who cannot define lightning, or the man who does not respect its awesome power? This church is reaching out to you. Reaching out to everyone. And yet the more we reach, the more you push us away. Show me proof there is a God, you say. I say use your telescopes to look to the heavens, and tell me how there could not be a God! You ask what does God look like. I say, where does that question come from? The answers are one and the same. Do you not see God in you science? How can you miss Him! You proclaim that even the slightest change in the force of gravity or the weight of an atom would have rendered our universe a lifeless mist rather than our magnificent sea of heavenly bodies, and yet you fail to see God’s hand in this? Is it really so much easier to believe that we simply chose the right card from a deck of billions? Have we become so spiritually bankrupt that we would rather believe in mathematical impossibility than in a power greater than us?

Whether or not you believe in God, you must believe this. When we as a species abandon our trust in the power greater than us, we abandon our sense of accountability. Faith… all faiths… are admonitions that there is something we cannot understand, something to which we are accountable… With faith we are accountable to each other, to ourselves, and to a higher truth. Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed. If the outside world could see this church as I do… looking beyond the ritual of these walls… they would see a modern miracle… a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be a voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control.

Are we obsolete? Are these men dinosaurs? Am I? Does the world really need a voice for the poor, the weak, the oppressed, the unborn child? Do we really need souls like these who, though imperfect, spend their lives imploring each of us to read the signposts of morality and not lose our way?

Tonight we are perched on a precipice. None of us can afford to be apathetic. Whether you see this evil as Satan, corruption, or immorality, the dark force is alive and growing every day. Do not ignore it. The force, though mighty, is not invincible. Goodness can prevail. Listen to your hearts. Listen to God. Together we can step back from this abyss.

Pray with me.

And the bug comes back.

The cold has come back in town,

but this time with a new twist.

The fear of the swine. (more appropriately known as the H1N1 flu)

I'm not so worried about it, although i've got a cold right now.

It's flu season people, THE FLU HAPPENS....

just wash your hands,

get some sleep,

and drink water.

Today i drank 6 water bottles in 7 hours. Mission accomplished.

I am going to beat this cold before it gets the better of me.